Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called in a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY ircumstances, talk to my parrot! I MUST STRESS TO YOU: DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.
Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled,
"Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him Spike!"
See - Men just don't listen!
0
1 votes
Jokes Thread
Started by
fasih khan
, Mar 08 2008 12:44 PM
246 replies to this topic
#81
Danish Moazzam
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Posted 20 March 2009 - 11:41 AM
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
#82
vijaytripoli
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Posted 25 March 2009 - 04:19 AM
Don't ask Grandma silly questions
Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked; "Mrs.. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice said: "If either of you rascals asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."
DRIVE LIKE HELL & U WILL BE THERE!
#83
vijaytripoli
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Posted 25 March 2009 - 04:31 AM
A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa..'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won
'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa..'
'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'
A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.
Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.
The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:
1 No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
(THIS GETS BETTER!)
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:
1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The women won
DRIVE LIKE HELL & U WILL BE THERE!
#84
vijaytripoli
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Posted 25 March 2009 - 04:52 AM
Actual McDonald’s Application For Employment
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These are actual answers on a McDonald’s application submitted by a 17 year old kid someplace in Florida. They actually hired him too. I think this kid’s gonna go far…
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These are actual answers on a McDonald’s application submitted by a 17 year old kid someplace in Florida. They actually hired him too. I think this kid’s gonna go far…
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I’m worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?”
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
DRIVE LIKE HELL & U WILL BE THERE!
#85
vijaytripoli
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Posted 25 March 2009 - 04:55 AM
Life’s Tough When You’re Stupid
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A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.
The professor tells the class “In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor - the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.”Cow
For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow’s butt, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just standthere, paralyzed at what they see. “Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you,” the professor says.
Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson… “Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow’s butt, and I sucked on my index finger… Now, learn to pay attention.”
The moral: Life’s tough, but it’s even tougher when you’re stupid.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.
The professor tells the class “In Veterinary Medicine, there are two qualities you must possess as a doctor - the first of which is a strong stomach. You cannot, under any circumstance, be disgusted by anything involving an animal’s body.”Cow
For example, the Professor pulls back the sheet and sticks his finger right up the dead cow’s butt, pulls out his finger and sticks it in his mouth. The students just standthere, paralyzed at what they see. “Now, go ahead and do the same thing, each of you,” the professor says.
Freaked out, the students take several minutes but eventually take turns sticking their fingers up into the anal cavity of the dead cow, and then sucking on them. Once everyone is finished, the Professor continues on with his lesson… “Now, the second important quality you must possess is a keen observation. You see, I stuck in my middle finger up the cow’s butt, and I sucked on my index finger… Now, learn to pay attention.”
The moral: Life’s tough, but it’s even tougher when you’re stupid.
DRIVE LIKE HELL & U WILL BE THERE!
#86
vijaytripoli
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Posted 25 March 2009 - 04:57 AM
A smart business plan
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A new shift manager was being shown around the Latex factor where he was just hired. The plant manufactures various latex products, and has a reputation for using cutting edge technology in their manufacturing process.
On one side of the building, the factory makes baby bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise, and the shift manager asks his tour guide what it’s doing. “As the rubber is being injected into the mold, it makes a hiss noise.” he says “The popping sound is from needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”
On the other side of the building, the two men look at the condom making machine. This machine makes a “hiss.. hiss… hiss-pop” sound during the manufacturing process. “Wait a second,” the future shift manager says, “I know what the hiss, hiss is… but what’s with the ‘pop’ noise every once in a while?”
“Oh, that hehe. It’s the same as the baby bottle nipple process.” says the guide… “It pokes a hole in every third condom.”
“But that can’t be good for the condoms!” the observant shift manager replied.
“Nah, but it’s really good for the baby bottle nipple business!”
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A new shift manager was being shown around the Latex factor where he was just hired. The plant manufactures various latex products, and has a reputation for using cutting edge technology in their manufacturing process.
On one side of the building, the factory makes baby bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise, and the shift manager asks his tour guide what it’s doing. “As the rubber is being injected into the mold, it makes a hiss noise.” he says “The popping sound is from needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.”
On the other side of the building, the two men look at the condom making machine. This machine makes a “hiss.. hiss… hiss-pop” sound during the manufacturing process. “Wait a second,” the future shift manager says, “I know what the hiss, hiss is… but what’s with the ‘pop’ noise every once in a while?”
“Oh, that hehe. It’s the same as the baby bottle nipple process.” says the guide… “It pokes a hole in every third condom.”
“But that can’t be good for the condoms!” the observant shift manager replied.
“Nah, but it’s really good for the baby bottle nipple business!”
DRIVE LIKE HELL & U WILL BE THERE!
#87
vijaytripoli
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Posted 25 March 2009 - 05:29 AM
Pleasing A Women
A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes that’s right - women can browse men from floors of choices.
Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes… a nifty setup - with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?
So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. “Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. “Oh, mercy me! But just think… what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.
A new, special kind of store just opened up in a Manhatten shopping center. This store sells husbands, yes that’s right - women can browse men from floors of choices.
Actually, there are 6 floors of men, and with an increase in the floor level bringing an positive attributes… a nifty setup - with a catch. As you open the door to any floor, you may choose a man from that floor but if you go up, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. Interesting, right?
So a young woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?” And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. “Hmmm, better” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”
The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. “Oh, mercy me! But just think… what must be awaiting me further on?” So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 7,548,652 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists as proof that women are impossible to please.
DRIVE LIKE HELL & U WILL BE THERE!
#88
vijaytripoli
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Posted 25 March 2009 - 06:10 AM
bill gates goes to hell --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bill Gates dies and goes to hell.
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a Beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says, "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't..."
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys."
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
Bill Gates dies and goes to hell.
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a Beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says, "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't..."
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys."
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
DRIVE LIKE HELL & U WILL BE THERE!
#89
vijaytripoli
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Posted 26 March 2009 - 01:04 AM
Bracelet
A lady walks into a very upscale jewelry shop. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. Bending over to get a closer look, she accidentally passes gas.
Extremely embarrassed, she freezes for a few moments and then slowly straightens up and turns around to see whether anyone has noticed her little accident. Her worst fears are confirmed in the form of a Salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber, the salesman greets the lady with a very professional, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'
Hoping against hope that he may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'
He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to #### when I tell you the price
A lady walks into a very upscale jewelry shop. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. Bending over to get a closer look, she accidentally passes gas.
Extremely embarrassed, she freezes for a few moments and then slowly straightens up and turns around to see whether anyone has noticed her little accident. Her worst fears are confirmed in the form of a Salesman standing right behind her.
Cool as a cucumber, the salesman greets the lady with a very professional, 'Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?'
Hoping against hope that he may just not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?'
He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to #### when I tell you the price
DRIVE LIKE HELL & U WILL BE THERE!
#92
platinum786
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GENERAL
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- Location:UK
Posted 26 March 2009 - 03:03 AM
i thought it was hilarious, but since you got offended, i've deleted it.
Follow PDF on twitter @Official_PDF
-=-=-=-=Faith, Unity, Discipline-=-=-=-=
Kashmir is the jugular Vein of Pakistan and no nation
or country would tolerate its jugular vein remains
under the sword of the enemy. -Muhammed Ali Jinnah
-=-=-=-=FREE KASHMIR-=-=-=-=
These eye's do not wander in lust, for my
queen of hearts has graced them with love.
"We gave our today for your tommorrow ".
-=-=-=-=Faith, Unity, Discipline-=-=-=-=
Kashmir is the jugular Vein of Pakistan and no nation
or country would tolerate its jugular vein remains
under the sword of the enemy. -Muhammed Ali Jinnah
-=-=-=-=FREE KASHMIR-=-=-=-=
These eye's do not wander in lust, for my
queen of hearts has graced them with love.
"We gave our today for your tommorrow ".
#93
platinum786
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GENERAL
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Posted 26 March 2009 - 03:24 AM
A smoker an alcoholic and a homosexual all go to the doctor. The doctor tells all three of them that their health is in an aweful state and if they indulge in each of their vices one more time, they will die.
All three men where gutted, they faced a lifetime without their favour activity or death. Reluctantly they took the doctors advice onboard and left the surgery.
As they walked down the road the alcoholic saw a bottle of beer and said "to hell with this world", with that he downed the bottle and surely enough he dropped dead.
The smoker and the homosexual having seen that were taken aback with shock and grief at the loss of their friend. They continued down the road, now bearing the burden of their friends death as well as the life changing moment they had just had to sit through at the doctors.
Suddenly the smoker sees half a cigerette someone has left on the floor. He's about to reach down to pick it up and the homosexual says, "you pick that up and we're both dead".
All three men where gutted, they faced a lifetime without their favour activity or death. Reluctantly they took the doctors advice onboard and left the surgery.
As they walked down the road the alcoholic saw a bottle of beer and said "to hell with this world", with that he downed the bottle and surely enough he dropped dead.
The smoker and the homosexual having seen that were taken aback with shock and grief at the loss of their friend. They continued down the road, now bearing the burden of their friends death as well as the life changing moment they had just had to sit through at the doctors.
Suddenly the smoker sees half a cigerette someone has left on the floor. He's about to reach down to pick it up and the homosexual says, "you pick that up and we're both dead".
Follow PDF on twitter @Official_PDF
-=-=-=-=Faith, Unity, Discipline-=-=-=-=
Kashmir is the jugular Vein of Pakistan and no nation
or country would tolerate its jugular vein remains
under the sword of the enemy. -Muhammed Ali Jinnah
-=-=-=-=FREE KASHMIR-=-=-=-=
These eye's do not wander in lust, for my
queen of hearts has graced them with love.
"We gave our today for your tommorrow ".
-=-=-=-=Faith, Unity, Discipline-=-=-=-=
Kashmir is the jugular Vein of Pakistan and no nation
or country would tolerate its jugular vein remains
under the sword of the enemy. -Muhammed Ali Jinnah
-=-=-=-=FREE KASHMIR-=-=-=-=
These eye's do not wander in lust, for my
queen of hearts has graced them with love.
"We gave our today for your tommorrow ".
#94
vijaytripoli
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Posted 26 March 2009 - 03:42 AM
Blonde Sells Car
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette.
"Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
__________________
A blonde tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to a brunette she worked with at a salon. The brunette told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied the blonde, "if I only can sell the car."
"Okay," said the brunette.
"Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car."
The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied the blonde, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it."
__________________
DRIVE LIKE HELL & U WILL BE THERE!
#95
vijaytripoli
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Posted 26 March 2009 - 03:43 AM
4 Letter Words
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4 letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!"
__________________
A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother. Her mother asked, "How was the honeymoon?"
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language...things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4 letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home.... Please mama!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! Come get me, please!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama...words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!"
__________________
DRIVE LIKE HELL & U WILL BE THERE!
#96
Felicius
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Posted 28 March 2009 - 07:19 AM
For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.'
The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase.
So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?'
Little Joseph told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out.
Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.
And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!
His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.'
The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase.
So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?'
Little Joseph told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out.
Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too.
And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage and no bike!
Hakim Bey: Don't just survive while waiting for someone's revolution to clear your head
Napoleon Bonaparte: The world suffers a lot, not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people!
Napoleon Bonaparte: The world suffers a lot, not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people!
#97
SUNNY92
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Posted 28 March 2009 - 07:42 AM
A Tramp walks into a bar, the barman tells him, sorry we can't serve you in here, the Tramp replies, I'am only after a cocktail stick so the barman obliges and the Tramp leaves, ten minutes later another Tramp stumbles into the same bar, the barman shouts I told your mate we can't serve you, the Tramp replies, oh, I am only after a cocktail stick, a little puzzled the barman hands him a cocktail stick as well and he leaves, a few minutes later yet another Tramp turns up and the barman shouts, don't tell me you are after a cocktail stick as well ?, the Tramp replies, no I was actually after a straw, now really confused the barman inquires, what's going on out there ?, the Tramp replies, well actually someone dropped a curry on the pavement and all the meaty bits are gone .........................!!!!!!!!
You are a free soul, I am so happy,
because in your freedom, you chose me as your friend.
because in your freedom, you chose me as your friend.
#98
SUNNY92
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GENERAL
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Posted 28 March 2009 - 07:59 AM
A religious teacher asks her class, "Which part of our body goes to heaven first"?,
Little Johnny puts up his hand and replies, our feet Miss,
Somewhat intrigued the teacher asks Little Johnny, what makes him say that ?,
To which Little Johnny replies, well Miss last night I got up to go to the bathroom and as I walked past my parents room I saw my mum had her legs in the air and she was shouting, oh God, I am comming.!!!!!!!!!
You are a free soul, I am so happy,
because in your freedom, you chose me as your friend.
because in your freedom, you chose me as your friend.
#99
Danish Moazzam
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Posted 29 March 2009 - 09:45 AM
A little old lady walks into a Baskin Robbins. She looks around for a while, and then says to the man behind the counter "I`ll take a quart of chocolate.".
The man replies " I`m sorry Madam but we are all out of chocolate, if you look around I`m sure you will find something else that you like."
The old lady says "okay" so she looks around and says "I`ll have a pint of chocolate Ice Cream."
The man behind the counter replies "I`m sorry Madam but we are all out of chocolate ice cream, I`m sure if you look around I`m sure you`ll find something else that you would like."
So the little old lady looks around and says "okay I`ll have a scoop of chocolate ice cream on a sugar cone"
The man behind the counter is boiling mad by this point, but manages to keep his cool and not yell at the little old lady. He then asks her "Can you spell the word straw in strawberry?".
The old lady said "YES".
The man then asked her "Can you spell the word van in vanilla?"
The old lady once again said "YES".
The man then replied "Can you spell the word F#CK in chocolate?"
The old lady looks a little puzzled and then replies "there is no F#CK in chocolate.".
The man says to her " THAT`S WHAT I`VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU LADY, THERE IS NO F#CKING CHOCOLATE!!"
The man replies " I`m sorry Madam but we are all out of chocolate, if you look around I`m sure you will find something else that you like."
The old lady says "okay" so she looks around and says "I`ll have a pint of chocolate Ice Cream."
The man behind the counter replies "I`m sorry Madam but we are all out of chocolate ice cream, I`m sure if you look around I`m sure you`ll find something else that you would like."
So the little old lady looks around and says "okay I`ll have a scoop of chocolate ice cream on a sugar cone"
The man behind the counter is boiling mad by this point, but manages to keep his cool and not yell at the little old lady. He then asks her "Can you spell the word straw in strawberry?".
The old lady said "YES".
The man then asked her "Can you spell the word van in vanilla?"
The old lady once again said "YES".
The man then replied "Can you spell the word F#CK in chocolate?"
The old lady looks a little puzzled and then replies "there is no F#CK in chocolate.".
The man says to her " THAT`S WHAT I`VE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU LADY, THERE IS NO F#CKING CHOCOLATE!!"
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
#100
Danish Moazzam
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Posted 29 March 2009 - 09:50 AM
Welshman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.. After
several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant,
and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try
artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not
wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know
when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop
standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when
they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion
that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods,
has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they
are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't
take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.. He drives them out to
the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back,
and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
Try again.' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive
them out to the woods He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon
returning home, falls knackered into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look
out of the window.. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep
are lying in the grass.
'No,' she says, 'they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.'
several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant,
and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try
artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not
wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know
when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop
standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when
they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion
that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods,
has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they
are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't
take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.. He drives them out to
the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back,
and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
Try again.' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive
them out to the woods He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon
returning home, falls knackered into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look
out of the window.. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep
are lying in the grass.
'No,' she says, 'they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.'
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
#101
SUNNY92
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GENERAL
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Posted 29 March 2009 - 01:27 PM
Q : What's a mouse's favourite song.?
A : Tu CHEESE Bari Hey Mast Mast.
You are a free soul, I am so happy,
because in your freedom, you chose me as your friend.
because in your freedom, you chose me as your friend.
#102
Felicius
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Admiral
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Posted 30 March 2009 - 10:29 AM
^ That was a bit Cheezy.
Awesome!
I was expecting that he couldn't stand, and thought maybe he got pregnant.
QUOTE (Danish Moazzam @ Mar 29 2009, 11:50 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
'No,' she says, 'they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.'
Awesome!
I was expecting that he couldn't stand, and thought maybe he got pregnant.
Hakim Bey: Don't just survive while waiting for someone's revolution to clear your head
Napoleon Bonaparte: The world suffers a lot, not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people!
Napoleon Bonaparte: The world suffers a lot, not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people!
#103
Danish Moazzam
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Posted 01 April 2009 - 10:39 AM
The Wrong Choice...
A WWII American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a base in the south of England , then caught a train to London . The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on this feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down.
Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
"Could I please sit in that seat?" he asked.
The English lady was insulted; "You Americans are so rude" she said, "can't you see my dog is sitting there"?
He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.
"Lady, I love dogs -- have a couple at home -- so I would be glad to hold your dog if I can sit down" he said.
The English lady replied: "You Americans are not only rude you are arrogant!"
He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said "Lady, I've been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time; could I please sit there and hold your dog?"
The English lady replied "You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you are also obnoxious."
With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window, and sat down. The lady was speechless.
An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up. "Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady's description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things that are obviously wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown the wrong ##### out of the window."
A WWII American soldier had been on the front lines in Europe for three months, when he was finally given a week of R&R. He caught a supply boat to a base in the south of England , then caught a train to London . The train was extremely crowded and he could not find a seat. He was dead on this feet and walked the length of the train looking for any place to sit down.
Finally he found a compartment with seats facing each other; there was room for two people on each seat. On one side sat only a proper looking, older British lady, with a small dog sitting in the empty seat beside her.
"Could I please sit in that seat?" he asked.
The English lady was insulted; "You Americans are so rude" she said, "can't you see my dog is sitting there"?
He walked through the train once more and still could not find a seat. He found himself back at the same place.
"Lady, I love dogs -- have a couple at home -- so I would be glad to hold your dog if I can sit down" he said.
The English lady replied: "You Americans are not only rude you are arrogant!"
He leaned against the wall for a time, but was so tired he finally said "Lady, I've been on the front lines in Europe for three months with not a decent rest for all that time; could I please sit there and hold your dog?"
The English lady replied "You Americans are not only rude and arrogant, you are also obnoxious."
With that comment, the soldier calmly stepped in, picked up the dog, threw it out the window, and sat down. The lady was speechless.
An older, neatly dressed Englishman sitting across on the other seat spoke up. "Young man, I do not know if all you Americans fit the lady's description of you or not. But I do know that you Americans do a lot of things that are obviously wrong. You drive on the wrong side of the road, you hold your fork with the wrong hand, and now you have just thrown the wrong ##### out of the window."
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
#106
demonslayer
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- Location:Auckland
Posted 01 April 2009 - 07:39 PM
The Kiss..
In one compartment of a Pakistan train there are four people.
A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, Nawaz Sharif, and General Pervez Musharraf.
Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel.
It is completely dark. Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap.
When the train exits the tunnel, Nawaz is holding the side of his face, and Musharraf is grinning his face off.
The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, Nawaz tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!"
The young woman is thinking : "How strange is this Nawaz?, he'd rather kiss that old hag than me."
Nawaz Sharif is thinking : "Now that's smart work by Musharraf , he steals the kiss and I get slapped."
And General Pervez Musharraf is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss my hand and get away with slapping Nawaz Sharif."
----------------------------------------------------
British Pakistanis..
Q: What do Pakistanis in London use for contraceptives?
A: Their personalities!
-----------------------------------------
Divorce Court Scene..
The Judge asks the little girl.
Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
Little Girl: No, my mummy beats me.
Judge: Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
Little Girl: No, my daddy beats me too.
Judge: Well then, who do you want to live with?
Little Girl: I want to live with Indian Cricket team for they never beat anybody!!!
-------------------------------------------------
The smart blonde..
Two strangers were seated next to each other on the plane. The guy turned to the cute blonde next to him and made his move. "Let's talk." He said. "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly, and said to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the passenger. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," said the blonde.
"That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "Horses, cows, and sheep all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a sheep excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Oh! Brother," said the guy. "I have no idea." "So tell me," said the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ####?"
In one compartment of a Pakistan train there are four people.
A beautiful vivacious young woman, an old matronly woman, Nawaz Sharif, and General Pervez Musharraf.
Suddenly the train goes through a tunnel.
It is completely dark. Then is heard a loud kiss and an equally powerful slap.
When the train exits the tunnel, Nawaz is holding the side of his face, and Musharraf is grinning his face off.
The old matronly woman thinks : "Now that's a fine young woman, Nawaz tries to steal a kiss in the tunnel and the lady slaps him one!"
The young woman is thinking : "How strange is this Nawaz?, he'd rather kiss that old hag than me."
Nawaz Sharif is thinking : "Now that's smart work by Musharraf , he steals the kiss and I get slapped."
And General Pervez Musharraf is thinking : "Gee I'm smart! We go through the tunnel, I kiss my hand and get away with slapping Nawaz Sharif."
----------------------------------------------------
British Pakistanis..
Q: What do Pakistanis in London use for contraceptives?
A: Their personalities!
-----------------------------------------
Divorce Court Scene..
The Judge asks the little girl.
Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy?
Little Girl: No, my mummy beats me.
Judge: Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy.
Little Girl: No, my daddy beats me too.
Judge: Well then, who do you want to live with?
Little Girl: I want to live with Indian Cricket team for they never beat anybody!!!
-------------------------------------------------
The smart blonde..
Two strangers were seated next to each other on the plane. The guy turned to the cute blonde next to him and made his move. "Let's talk." He said. "I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly, and said to the guy, "What would you like to discuss?" "Oh, I don't know," said the passenger. "How about nuclear power?" "OK," said the blonde.
"That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "Horses, cows, and sheep all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a sheep excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that is?"
"Oh! Brother," said the guy. "I have no idea." "So tell me," said the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know ####?"
Pakistan first. Sub say pehlay Pakistan
#107
platinum786
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GENERAL
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Posted 06 April 2009 - 07:58 AM
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said,
'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'
'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'
Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with
a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'
Bartender: 'Well, OK, but what about that hook?
What happened to your hand?'
Pirate: 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship
and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook.
I'm fine, really.'
Bartender: 'What about that eye patch?'
Pirate: 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of
seagulls flew over. I looked up and one of them sh!t in my eye.'
'You're kidding,' said the bartender, 'you lost an
eye just from bird sh!t.'?
Pirate: 'It was my first day with the hook.'
'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'
'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'
Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with
a cannon ball, but I'm fine now.'
Bartender: 'Well, OK, but what about that hook?
What happened to your hand?'
Pirate: 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship
and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook.
I'm fine, really.'
Bartender: 'What about that eye patch?'
Pirate: 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of
seagulls flew over. I looked up and one of them sh!t in my eye.'
'You're kidding,' said the bartender, 'you lost an
eye just from bird sh!t.'?
Pirate: 'It was my first day with the hook.'
Follow PDF on twitter @Official_PDF
-=-=-=-=Faith, Unity, Discipline-=-=-=-=
Kashmir is the jugular Vein of Pakistan and no nation
or country would tolerate its jugular vein remains
under the sword of the enemy. -Muhammed Ali Jinnah
-=-=-=-=FREE KASHMIR-=-=-=-=
These eye's do not wander in lust, for my
queen of hearts has graced them with love.
"We gave our today for your tommorrow ".
-=-=-=-=Faith, Unity, Discipline-=-=-=-=
Kashmir is the jugular Vein of Pakistan and no nation
or country would tolerate its jugular vein remains
under the sword of the enemy. -Muhammed Ali Jinnah
-=-=-=-=FREE KASHMIR-=-=-=-=
These eye's do not wander in lust, for my
queen of hearts has graced them with love.
"We gave our today for your tommorrow ".
#108
Danish Moazzam
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Posted 06 April 2009 - 08:18 AM
DO NOT FOOL, WITH LITTLE OLD LADIES
The Night of April 1st
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 71 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own
words, what happened the
night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting in my
swing on my front
porch on a warm spring
evening, when a young
man comes
creeping up on the porch
and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had
done that since my Albert
died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I
haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy'
that I just laid down and told him 'Take
me, young man. Take me now!'
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!'and ran off.
And that's when I shot him ............. the little bastard.
The Night of April 1st
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 71 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own
words, what happened the
night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting in my
swing on my front
porch on a warm spring
evening, when a young
man comes
creeping up on the porch
and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had
done that since my Albert
died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I
haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy'
that I just laid down and told him 'Take
me, young man. Take me now!'
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!'and ran off.
And that's when I shot him ............. the little bastard.
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
#109
platinum786
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GENERAL
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Posted 06 April 2009 - 08:36 AM
hahahahaha!!!!
Follow PDF on twitter @Official_PDF
-=-=-=-=Faith, Unity, Discipline-=-=-=-=
Kashmir is the jugular Vein of Pakistan and no nation
or country would tolerate its jugular vein remains
under the sword of the enemy. -Muhammed Ali Jinnah
-=-=-=-=FREE KASHMIR-=-=-=-=
These eye's do not wander in lust, for my
queen of hearts has graced them with love.
"We gave our today for your tommorrow ".
-=-=-=-=Faith, Unity, Discipline-=-=-=-=
Kashmir is the jugular Vein of Pakistan and no nation
or country would tolerate its jugular vein remains
under the sword of the enemy. -Muhammed Ali Jinnah
-=-=-=-=FREE KASHMIR-=-=-=-=
These eye's do not wander in lust, for my
queen of hearts has graced them with love.
"We gave our today for your tommorrow ".
#110
Felicius
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Admiral
- Gender:Not Telling
Posted 07 April 2009 - 08:14 PM
HYSTERICAL!~
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?
WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME
NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY
TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED KAU HIGH SCHOOL .
'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A TROJAN,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1979. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALD,
WRINKLED,
FAT-ASSED,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
SON-OF-A-#####
ASKED,
'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD?
WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.
MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.
I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME
NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.
COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY
TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED KAU HIGH SCHOOL .
'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A TROJAN,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
'WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.
HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1979. WHY DO YOU ASK?'
'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.
HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
THEN, THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALD,
WRINKLED,
FAT-ASSED,
GRAY-HAIRED,
DECREPIT
SON-OF-A-#####
ASKED,
'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???
Hakim Bey: Don't just survive while waiting for someone's revolution to clear your head
Napoleon Bonaparte: The world suffers a lot, not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people!
Napoleon Bonaparte: The world suffers a lot, not because of the violence of bad people, but because of the silence of good people!
#111
vijaytripoli
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Posted 07 April 2009 - 10:17 PM
QUOTE (Danish Moazzam @ Mar 29 2009, 07:50 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Welshman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.. After
several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant,
and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try
artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not
wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know
when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop
standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when
they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion
that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods,
has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they
are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't
take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.. He drives them out to
the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back,
and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
Try again.' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive
them out to the woods He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon
returning home, falls knackered into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look
out of the window.. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep
are lying in the grass.
'No,' she says, 'they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.'
several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant,
and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try
artificial insemination.
The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not
wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know
when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop
standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when
they are pregnant.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion
that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.
So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods,
has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they
are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't
take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.. He drives them out to
the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back,
and goes to bed exhausted.
Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.
Try again.' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive
them out to the woods He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon
returning home, falls knackered into bed.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look
out of the window.. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep
are lying in the grass.
'No,' she says, 'they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.'
THANKS MAN . you made my day!
chau
DRIVE LIKE HELL & U WILL BE THERE!
#112
Danish Moazzam
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Posted 07 April 2009 - 11:30 PM
For those, who doesn't listen carefully, what the doctor says....
Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex
anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"
"Look, I can't prescribe..."
"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this
upset? I'm desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life
is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."
The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of
pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental;
the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give
her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE."
"I don't know, doc; she's awfully cold..."
"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"
"Um... okay."
He thanks the doc and heads for home where his wife has dinner
waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to
bring dessert. He pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one
into his wife's coffee. He thinks for a moment, hesitates, then
drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor
did say they were powerful.
Then an inspiration strikes... he drops one pill into his own
coffee. His wife returns and they enjoy their dessert and coffee.
Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a
little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look enters her
eyes. In a near-whisper and in a tone of voice he has never heard
her use before, she looks at him seductively and says, "I need a
man... Right now!!"
His eyes glitter, and his hands tremble as he replies,
"Me too..."
Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex
anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?"
"Look, I can't prescribe..."
"Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this
upset? I'm desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life
is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me."
The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of
pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental;
the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give
her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE."
"I don't know, doc; she's awfully cold..."
"One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?"
"Um... okay."
He thanks the doc and heads for home where his wife has dinner
waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to
bring dessert. He pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one
into his wife's coffee. He thinks for a moment, hesitates, then
drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor
did say they were powerful.
Then an inspiration strikes... he drops one pill into his own
coffee. His wife returns and they enjoy their dessert and coffee.
Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a
little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look enters her
eyes. In a near-whisper and in a tone of voice he has never heard
her use before, she looks at him seductively and says, "I need a
man... Right now!!"
His eyes glitter, and his hands tremble as he replies,
"Me too..."
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
#113
Danish Moazzam
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Posted 07 April 2009 - 11:51 PM
A man walks into a drug store with his 10 year old son. They happen to
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, 'What are these, dad?'
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex.'
'Oh I see,' replied the boy pensively. 'Yes, I've heard of that in
health class at school.'
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, 'Why
are there 3 in this package?'
The dad replies, 'Those are for the high school boys, ONE for Friday,
ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday.'
'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, 'Then who are these
for?'
'Those are for college men,' the dad answers, 'TWO for Friday, TWO for
Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.'
'WOW!' exclaimed the boy. 'Then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12
pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, 'Those are for married
men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March...............'
walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, 'What are these, dad?'
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, 'Those are called condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex.'
'Oh I see,' replied the boy pensively. 'Yes, I've heard of that in
health class at school.'
He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, 'Why
are there 3 in this package?'
The dad replies, 'Those are for the high school boys, ONE for Friday,
ONE for Saturday, and ONE for Sunday.'
'Cool' says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, 'Then who are these
for?'
'Those are for college men,' the dad answers, 'TWO for Friday, TWO for
Saturday, and TWO for Sunday.'
'WOW!' exclaimed the boy. 'Then who uses THESE?' he asks, picking up a 12
pack.
With a sigh and a tear in his eye, the dad replied, 'Those are for married
men. ONE for January, ONE for February, ONE for March...............'
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
#114
vijaytripoli
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BRIGADIER
- Gender:Male
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Posted 11 April 2009 - 01:42 AM
DRIVE LIKE HELL & U WILL BE THERE!
#115
must7
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GENERAL
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Posted 12 April 2009 - 05:48 AM
Those Sheeps are nothing but Liars !
A ventriloquist cowboy walked into town and saw a Texas rancher
sitting on his porch with his dog:
Cowboy: “Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?”
Rancher: “This dog don`t talk!”
Cowboy: “Hey dog, how`s it going?”
Dog: “Doin alright”
Rancher: (Extreme look of shock)
Cowboy: “Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)”
Dog: “Yep.”
Cowboy: “How`s he treat you?”
Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”
Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Rancher: “Horses don`t talk!”
Cowboy: “Hey horse, how`s it goin?”
Horse: “Cool.”
Rancher: (an even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: “Is this your owner?” (pointing at rancher)
Horse: “Yep.”
Cowboy: “How`s he treat you?”
Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.”
Rancher: (total look of amazement)
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?”
Rancher: (stuttering, and hardly able to talk)……
“Th-Th-Them sheep ain`t nothin but liars!!!”
A ventriloquist cowboy walked into town and saw a Texas rancher
sitting on his porch with his dog:
Cowboy: “Hey, cool dog. Mind if I speak to him?”
Rancher: “This dog don`t talk!”
Cowboy: “Hey dog, how`s it going?”
Dog: “Doin alright”
Rancher: (Extreme look of shock)
Cowboy: “Is this your owner? (pointing at rancher)”
Dog: “Yep.”
Cowboy: “How`s he treat you?”
Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”
Rancher: (Look of disbelief)
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”
Rancher: “Horses don`t talk!”
Cowboy: “Hey horse, how`s it goin?”
Horse: “Cool.”
Rancher: (an even wilder look of shock)
Cowboy: “Is this your owner?” (pointing at rancher)
Horse: “Yep.”
Cowboy: “How`s he treat you?”
Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in the barn to protect me from the elements.”
Rancher: (total look of amazement)
Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your SHEEP?”
Rancher: (stuttering, and hardly able to talk)……
“Th-Th-Them sheep ain`t nothin but liars!!!”
#116
must7
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GENERAL
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Posted 12 April 2009 - 06:01 AM
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
WHEN YOU'RE OLD
AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(True Story) I LOVE IT!
Don't mess with old people
WHEN YOU'RE OLD
AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(True Story) I LOVE IT!
Don't mess with old people
#117
Danish Moazzam
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Posted 12 April 2009 - 06:41 AM
QUOTE (must7 @ Apr 12 2009, 05:01 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE
WHEN YOU'RE OLD
AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(True Story) I LOVE IT!
Don't mess with old people
WHEN YOU'RE OLD
AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(True Story) I LOVE IT!
Don't mess with old people
Nice one lovely
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
#118
Danish Moazzam
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Posted 12 April 2009 - 09:23 AM
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing eye one day.
They came to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blowing as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.
The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to his dog.
A passerby, having observed the near fatal accident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed."
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."
They came to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns blowing as panicked drivers try desperately not to run the pair down.
The blind man and the dog finally reach the safety of the sidewalk on the other side of the street, and the blind man pulls a cookie out of his coat pocket which he offers to his dog.
A passerby, having observed the near fatal accident, can't control his amazement and says to the blind man, "Why on earth are you rewarding your dog with a cookie? He nearly got you killed."
The blind man turns partially in his direction and replies, "To find out where his head is, so I can kick his ass."
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
#119
Danish Moazzam
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Posted 12 April 2009 - 09:25 AM
Standing at the edge of a lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, "My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars."
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred?"
The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in- law."
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"
The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, "Okay, where's my hundred?"
The man said, "Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in- law."
The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, "Just my luck. How much do I owe you?"
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
#120
Danish Moazzam
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MAJOR
- Gender:Male
- Location:Karachi
Posted 12 April 2009 - 09:35 AM
I liked this one do read.
In a small town in America, a person decided to open up his bar business, which was right opposite to a church. The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.
Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the bar and it was burnt to the ground. The church folk were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church authorities for $2million on the grounds that the church through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar shop's demise. In support of their claim they referred to the Benson study at Harvard that inter-cessionary prayer had no impact !
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork and at the hearing and commented:
'I don't know how I am going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire church and its devotees that doesn't.'
In a small town in America, a person decided to open up his bar business, which was right opposite to a church. The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.
Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the bar and it was burnt to the ground. The church folk were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church authorities for $2million on the grounds that the church through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.
In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar shop's demise. In support of their claim they referred to the Benson study at Harvard that inter-cessionary prayer had no impact !
As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork and at the hearing and commented:
'I don't know how I am going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire church and its devotees that doesn't.'
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
Dedicated to the SILENT B@ST@RDS of Our Armed Forces.
Sorry for the strong language but that's what our forces have become Paid Mercenaries.
How i admired and dreamed to be a part of it Now i am grateful that i did not become one.
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